Monday, July 18, 2011

MIL's

Okay I have to ask. I am sitting on the train home from NY, went to a wedding that was beautiful! Sunflowers and pink, outside -- which was hot as hell, but so beautiful. So back to that in a minute, main question: Mother-in-Law's. Do they change after you get engaged? Then do they change again once you are married.

I have to give a bit of background, mine has for 98% of the time been wonderful. We have only gotten into one "miscommunication" as I like to call it because we didn't really fight in the past 7 years that I have been dating Mr. C. And it was because her son waits to the last minute to make any decision, so believe you me, he heard it from me afterwards. But besides the point I love him even though he is a procrastinator. I have always LOVED Mr. C's family. They are caring, welcoming, and just wonderful. And we always joke that I'm the crazy southerner, and she's the crazy New Yorker (yes, you have to say it with the accent). I have started to notice the change... and it is hard to describe -- just completely different. She is still extremely nice to me although I feel the wedding planning things are making things weird. Openly she talks about how she hates weddings, said it numerous times on the way to the one we went to, then would be like oh I'm sorry yours is different it's to my son. But said how she didn't even want to have one to for herself and doesn't understand spending so much money and inviting all these people that you don't really want to spend time with anyways. I have to say I bit my tongue through it all. Didn't say a word. Luckily, my father-in-law, did chime in and say numerous things about family, tradition, and 99% of women (excluding her) love weddings and she should respect that fact. So I didn't feel the need to respond. But I am wondering if she see's how I might feel in this entire situation.

I am starting feel like she doesn't want to go to our wedding, doesn't care about the people invited, and would rather us go to court and do it ourselves. We aren't having a big wedding -- just a NY party afterwards, which she requested and I happily agreed to as I thought it would be great for all of the family up there to be apart of celebrating.

I guess I had such a great time at the wedding and then when we got home to hear all of this, I am a little down and just having a hard time picking myself back up since my previous post about wedding blues. I'm getting so stressed about not having drama and making everyone happy I might be loosing my mind a bit!

Until next time....AmazingFabulousWedding@gmail.com

6 comments:

  1. Ah, MIL- mine is pretty much opposite of me in every way. She wanted the wedding a certain way too! My hubby put his foot down and his father also reminded her that it was not her wedding and I would do with it as I pleased (even though I did not plan a thing- my mom did! ha!) I felt the pressure of the drama (i have a lot of family drama which was why I wanted to elope) and I caved on part of her demands- I wish I hadn't. It wasn't me, it was her, and in the end those where the things I didn't like. It's your wedding, and to be frank the only opinions that matter belong to you, your hubby, and (if applicable) a little to the people footing the bill.

    In the end I think you're MIL will love the wedding because just as she said "it's her son"

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  2. First of all, you're never going to make EVERYONE happy, so in this situation, I'd make YOURSELF happy first. It's your wedding, don't let someone, even your MIL, ruin it's excitement for you. I'd say that if for 7 years, you have been 98% happy with your MIL, then you're doing wayyyy better than the rest of us. ;o) I think they do change somewhat when you get engaged because it's then that they realize you will be a permanent fixture in their family. No longer just the "girlfriend". Hopefully your MIL just has a hang-up about weddings and isn't turning into a different person around you!

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  3. Just remember that its YOUR day and your time. I went through the same thing about worrying about everyone else and how far they had to travel and how much money they would spend, etc. etc. and my fiance put it into perspective and said Tiff, look at how many weddings you have traveled too and look how much money you have spent and it didn't matter to you because you made it a priority to get there and that people would do the same for me/us. I am sorry your MIL seems to have changed, hopefully once you get married, things will be back to normal again!

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  4. I don't think she is really is talking about your wedding. I don't like weddings (haha) and my MIL couldn't care less about us getting married in a real wedding or court. But I know my future MIL won't be complaining about our wedding...let's face it...weddings are stressful. Maybe she was just trying to vent to you because maybe her wedding didn't turn out the way she wouldn't have liked. :-)

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  5. Just remember... your wedding is all about you and your soon-to-be hubby. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about anyone else. It's YOUR day :)

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