Monday, November 12, 2012

I'm back...

I took some much needed time away from blogging and have been working on me, my *new* place - finally sold the other one, and working on my new relationship. Yes, the guy from the auction and I are officially dating now - it has been a couple of months. I'm having a blast and taking it day by day.

Don't get me wrong: I still have my break down and cry moments. The school year started off awesome - I got promoted, I am now the After-School Coordinator at my school, making more money and still seeing my students every day. So excited to catch up on your blogs and show you what I have been up to.

From MelonHeads 
Until next time....

Friday, May 25, 2012

My Target (tarjay) Inspired Life...

So it came to me in the shower, yes that is where I do my best thinking, I need a project, something exciting to keep me busy. I am a target obsessed, lady. If you are are pronouncing it the regular way Target than you don't love Tarjay like I do. I live for Target as silly as that sounds, they have awesome coupons - if you have found them click the link. So since I'm not blogging about weddings really any more even though I still will some as my girl friend asked me to help her plan since I had everything started, I would blog about my Target inspired life. 

Since I sold on the house finally!!! Big news that I had with Mr. C, I decided to buy myself a townhouse, a fixer upper townhouse, so I would have projects galore and not to mention have everything my way.

Color Scheme of new place: Pinks, Gray, and Navy Blue: 

I am so excited to start figuring out what I am going to do and I am starting fresh with everything so I can make all new memories! I am doing almost everything from target, of course I'll need some home depot and some help from professionals on a few things as I am not THAT good. I wish I was.

Get ready for all my target deals, I am putting them together :)
Until next time....

Thursday, May 17, 2012

It is almost summer...

The weather has been great in the DC area. A little rain, a little bit of crazy allergies but all in all, it has been beautiful. 

So... the boy I met at the auction and I went out to lunch/coffee a couple of weekends ago. My confession...I had an amazing time. I couldn't believe it. I did feel badly afterwards that I had so much fun, but I know deep down, Mr. C would be really happy for me. He wouldn't love the idea, but he wouldn't want me to be single and miserable the rest of my life either. Yes, we went on a second outing - I'm not calling them dates, and he does know about everything that has happened. I was super afraid to tell him and worried what the reaction would be. Who would want to deal with someone with so much baggage, but God will only give me as much as I can handle and right now I'm doing pretty well.

I finally made all of my cancellations on the wedding vendors that I hadn't wanted to do yet. I only cried for the first one which was my wedding planner that I took forever to hire and did it about a month before the incident. She was going to help me day of set everything up and do clean up so I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

The school year will be over in 21 days - not that I am counting and I am really looking forward to a relaxing summer to get myself back on track. I'm finishing my Master's this summer and doing some tutoring. Can not wait. 

Until next

Friday, April 27, 2012

Interesting things happen

I finally decided to do something! I went out with a girl friend to her school's auction, last week on Friday night. What an awesome time I had. It was great to talk to people and forget about all of the craziness that I know call life. I did feel a little guilty to be having so much fun. A part of me feels like I should be spending more time at home in mourning. But at the end of the day, I do know that I am still here and have to move forward with life eventually.

The even weirder part is, that I feel totally horrible about, I cannot even believe I am saying this, a boy - okay gentleman - introduced himself to me, we chatted for a long time that evening. We exchanged business cards - trying to be as informal as possible. My friend had told everyone there my story, so they were all extremely friendly and understanding. And we have been emailing back and forth all week long. He asked me if I wanted to grab lunch with him this week - very non-date like. I haven't decided on an answer.

The friend who took me to the auction is my best friend in the world. So I was talking to her about this exchange and as she said, why are you feeling guilty or weird, you are going to lunch, not getting married. And I realized how true that really was, and that it is okay to meet new people, that doesn't mean I have to date them, just put myself out there to experience life again. Almost two months in your house can drive a woman a little nutty. 

I am feeling it is a bit soon, but as I know, life is really short. I don't want to miss out on it. I'm excited to be reading through your blogs again, I've been really into it and smiling as I read them instead of crying. A new leaf has been turned over. I'm very excited to see where life takes me. I will definitely keep you posted.

Until next time....

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Thank you for all of the continued support. The blogging world has been amazing to me! I really appreciate all of your kind words, prayers, and thoughts. It has been a month and 5 days since he passed. I've been going to church, trying to go to work, and slowly figuring out life in this new path.  

Update on life:

  • House - had it packed up and put in storage, is currently on the market (Felt this was a good compromise, I can go through it when I'm ready)
  • His Family - has helped with the money side of this whole thing, which has been a huge relief
  • Seeing someone - this has been such a blessing. I'm working through my anger, sadness, and resentment. I know it is going to be a long process
  • Blogging - I have realized through this all that I am stronger than I have given myself credit. I love the quote "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." It is my motto right now. Even though this tragedy happened, I know deep down even though every day I don't feel it that God has a plan for my life and I have to be patient. I'm going to start blogging again next month about anything/everything - I'm still determining what my blog will turn into, so stay tuned - I have something to be excited about.

Until next time....

~ Future Mrs. Unknown ~

Monday, March 19, 2012

Unsure of how to write this post or where to begin...

I have drafted this post a couple of times now. I haven't blogged in a while or looked at any blogs, I have over 1,500 emails in my account, the cards, the flowers, have been ever so sweet! THANK YOU! This is a long post and mostly me getting my thoughts out because I haven't done it yet - I've tried to block this whole thing out completely - it isn't working.

Have you ever woken up and just thought to yourself, all of my dreams are coming true. I have felt that way for the past year and half - all of my dreams are coming true. Then February 16, 2012 happened - Mr. C was born with heart issues - some I didn't even really know all about until now. He has always been in fabulous health. He has known about his issues and watched it for years. 

On February 16, 2012, he came home from work saying he didn't feel good, he was going to go take a nap. I checked on him numerous times because he is NOT a napper ever. Around 11pm, I tried to wake him up because he hadn't gotten up for dinner, he would not wake up, but was still breathing. I immediately called 911, then his family. After getting to the hospital, numerous hours of testing, waiting, crying, anticipation and such, Mr. C had a heart attack, was in a coma for 2 and half weeks, and took his last breath on March 5, 2012.

I lost the love of my life - my soul mate. The Lord took him from me and selfishly - I am not ready for this at all and angry now - at first I was just so sad. I don't understand, I don't see the point, I'm trying not to be so angry at him. I haven't been an overly religious person until my grandmother died back in November and it made me go back to my roots more.

I know I am still in shock, because even though I write this it doesn't seem real. I feel like I am living a terrible nightmare and someone needs to pinch me so I can finally wake up. Numerous times, I have woken up and reached over to his side of the bed, hoping for a warm spot, or better - him to snuggle up to like I always have. 

I'm not even sure where to go or what to do after I click Publish. That makes this so final, I'm telling the world. I have been staying at my parents house because I don't want to go to our newly purchased house yet. We have a few projects started that we were planning to finish that weekend when he went for a nap. The house holds our pictures, memories, and the part I cannot even wrap my mind around - our wedding plans, that will never happen. Instead of finishing those wedding plans, I planned a funeral and have to figure out what will happen to everything since we aren't married yet. I cannot even be called a widow, because my spouse didn't die - my fiance did. I'm feeling so much loss right now - I just lost my grandma, now the man I held so dear- I'm so overwhelmed with emotion - I don't know what to think at times. Sometimes I cannot even think.

We had not set up a will yet, I have my own personal will that I was going to change when we got married. All of the things we have had set in place were on a two income household. Thinking about all of this just makes me loose my mind - what am I going to do.

The part that is the hardest is being alone, starting over, figuring things out myself, after 8 years of being with someone, you get comfortable - not in a bad way, but I have always found comfort in coming home and talking to Mr. C about my day, concerns, life, future, who will I share these moments with? Who will hold my hand while I cry each day so upset about this situation? Who is going to love my faults, crazy personality, my insecurities? Who is going to see me for me - and all my imperfections? 

My closest friend, asked me the other day, "Do you think you'll date again?" It stopped me in my tracks. The thought had not crossed my mind yet. Date? I was about to get married - how can I go backwards - how can I find someone as good as my Mr. C? And here is something I haven't even thought about until now - how do you explain to someone new this situation? 

I decided to start therapy last week. Sounds like I'm a crazy bat - but I know this is what I need, to start healing myself. I also did the unthinkable yesterday, I called a Realtor, storage/moving company, and mortgage broker to figure out what to do with this house. I am going to pay someone to pack everything and put it in storage until I am ready to go through it. I just can't do it now. My mother got my clothes and toiletries for me. The thought of stepping into that house alone is just unimaginable. 

I also decided I cannot leave the blogging world. I have come to enjoy it too much. I am still going to write about my life because it truly is a gift. I hope that one day, I will be able to write about planning a wedding again. The day seems very, very, far away. 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of the support, emails, cards, flowers, and just warm thoughts - I need every one of them. I will respond to everyone, it is on my healing list. Instead of a To Do list - I have a Healing List. 

Until next time.... didn't know how to sign it)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Groom that I love!

So I went ahead and made a special purchase for Mr. C for Valentine's Day. He LOVES Ferragamo Shoes which are really expensive but he deserve the best on our wedding day.

The most expensive thing at our wedding will be these from Bloomies for $495:

I also bought him, the groomsmen, and the dad's this tie from amazon: 

VALENTINE'S Day -------
We went to our favorite Italian Restaurant for Valentine's Dinner. If you live in the DC area, you need to check it out:

It is in McLean - Da Domenico. It was a family owned restaurant that the owner sings Italian songs for you. The food is fabulous and the service is amazing. I had such a good time. Mr. C was pretty surprised considering how budget conscious I have been. So it made my valentine's day as well.

He gave me Pink roses and some really sweet cards. I know I'm the crazy romantic that loves Valentine's Day even though it is a made up Hallmark holiday. It makes me super happy.

Until next time....